ive been getting a lot of signals from above
postponing of repenting has to stop
i must change

it may not seem to people that i want
but in my heart i yearn to

He was despised, and forsaken of men,

a man of pains, and acquainted with disease,

and as one from whom men hide their face:

he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely our diseases he did bear, and our pains he carried;

whereas we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.
But he was wounded because of our transgressions,

he was crushed because of our iniquities:

the chastisement of our welfare was upon him,

and with his stripes we were healed.

Isaiah 53:3-5