Disclaimer:
Please do not tag or comment anything related to this post

i have to admit
leefeng, why are you such a loser in life?
why?why?why?

its been deep down inside me for too long already, too damn long
i just have to 'vomit' it all out, i need to whine about how a failure ive been

in whatever i do, try to do, or want to do
i just cant make it, cant achieve anything, cant even break even sometimes
why?
in studies, in basketball or any sport, in relationships, in character, in religon
everything....
so why? why must i be such a weakling?
cant i just do something well?
i can say that im an 'inward' person, i dont like to confide to people about personal stuffs and difficulties, only to an exceptional few

to her, im such a failure
im unable to make her feel happy, feel supported, feel loved
since the day we came together, she hasnt been able to be happy for lots of occasions
just by being with me, all the negative comments, criticism
to add on, whatever i do, all just makes it worse
and that decision
everything is shattered, okay ssh

to sports
i cant excel like i used to, in the first place im NOT even good...

to religon
why must i continue to disgrace my god in my life?
how long must i continue this backsliding? continue my self denial...
cant i just strengthen myself? cant i just stop whatever shit im doing?
god is always there for me, but i dont know why i cant feel it, i cant make it!

to character
im kinda introvert sometimes, and im also some kind of ass too
i dont really like to mix around, i dont know...
people that ive known for a long time, they know i love to crap and joke around
but for god's sake why do they not understand me? its clearly not acts of aggression or taunting
kp is it? yeah damn right

i know im the kind that requires constant encouragement, prompts, support from those around me... because its them that i can pull through many a time.
i also need that special someone that i can really rely on
as the saying goes, behind every successful man is a successful woman
i really need that support, the confinement, the company
i dont know why...

those few other than her that im close to, cass, michelle, maddy
cass has already passed on
michelle and maddy, when the fuck are you 2 gonna come back to singapore?
i miss you all very much

i just needed this whining alot, damn lot
i cant keep it inside me forever, it'll make me go nuts, crazy
at least ive my friends that keep me company sometimes, or else i'll be a loner no lifer at home rotting...
why is the human body so weak? why does it fall for temptations and weaknesses?
didnt the bible say that no temptation is too big for man to reject? so why cant I do it?
i dont really like to a certain extent what im doing now, what state ive been degraded to
i really wish to change back to what i was before

so far,
the only peaceful and enjoyable time ive had is to be at a quiet place with my close one(s)
and tell them everything in the world, listen to their stuff, just chill there together and have a bonding time.

but now,
no more, NOPE
people always say that what i say isnt carried out, or how a loser shit i am while trying to criticise others...
eh hello? do you know ive been trying to change myself alot? are you even me to notice the difference?
small changes are the norm, what you expect, i turn into a saint overnight?
just help me please, no matter what i do, thats what i really need the most
and help here means positive support, not negative comments

after all this shit, im feeling kinda better,
YEAH RIGHT

felicia lee ying yun is chatting with me on msn during all this time
and she asked me to write bout her
so... she is
my cousin, first to be exact
shes cute, fun to crap with and at, and some entertainment for me when im very bored
this is something from a typical conversation with her

leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
i advertise you leh
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
not too long you'll have suitors coming to find you
FELICIA- says:
pls la dont crazy
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
okay lah i dont write too extravagant
FELICIA- says:
i'm not any girl from vietnam
FELICIA- says:
wad write too extravagant
FELICIA- says:
not used lidat la
FELICIA- says:
i changed my mind
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
lol i like to use words in the wrong way
FELICIA- says:
dont write a single bit abt me
FELICIA- says:
ooo.
FELICIA- says:
wierd ppl do wierd stuffs
FELICIA- says:
ok~
FELICIA- says:
pardon me, at night i dunno wad i'm talking.

okay thats it
to conclude this post

leefeng, its time to wake up
reality is harsh, face it
just be a loser

pls dont tag on or comment on this post

its just my whining, act of a loser

thanks

aha
as you all can see... ive changed my skin layout
FUCK EMO! NO EMO SHIT!
okay kenric up till here i know you're gonna say something stupid on the tagboard.. im not emo

life's boring once my camps are over
no motivation to finish up my homework, or go out with friends, or go work, or whatever
its even worse off then when there's school
at least we all look forward to school cause we can spend the long hours together with our friends...

i need a girlfriend anyway
hmm, or maybe a boyfriend?

okay just joking
im not a homosexual( cant say gay, cause it means happy too)
not in the mood for any love now

its all because of you

you make my day shine or rain

without you

nothing ever seems the same

as i cling to memories of you

its the holidays
and its not holidays, cause im stuck with camps...
ahh wtf sia why did i agree to go for so many of them

just finished BA_Communications Comm_Camp 4, YEAH!
damn it was so fun
haha really very very very enjoyable time for like 2 days...(kinda short)

got to know lots and lots of people
Group2: yee siong, melvin, salny aka sao nai , arthur, ruslan, xiao dong aka dong dong, rastus, samantha aka the random sounds master, celestine, joleen, joanna, zhuang ying, maggie, steffi, ai ping, chinh ching aka 'ching $_$ ching'

and also others who are not in my group
evonne
the 4 flowers of canteen 1: xin ying, yi lin ( include ai ping and ching ching)

Group 2: Best Overall Group, RAWR!

Best camper : Ruslan the ass, LOL ( joking)

lots of people i knew from the camp had links to me.. damn coincidental
samantha was from my bro's sec sch
xin ying is xav's dada
zhuang ying was my pri sch mate
yi lin studied at kranji sec and she said she knew me from something, which i have forgotten( i stay beside kranji sec btw)
i will update photos after i have recieved them

gonna head down for my other camps in awhile
didnt sleep for bout 50 hours due to Comm_Camp 4
although i just woke up not long ago, fk i gotta go get my sleep again
ciao

Colbie Caillat - Bubbly

i wonder
do brothers betray each other?

cause seriously
its what my bro's been doing
and he fucking sucks

what if you woke up 1 day... look at you OLDER bro who acts like a 10 year old retarded introvert and likes to poke his nose in everything, EVERYTHING, that you do
he loves to whine to my mum about whatever shit that i do to him
or whatever stuff that i do that he gets jealous or whatever

what will be going through your mind? please tell me cause i seriously dont know what the hell my mind is thinking

im so happy to be 'blessed' with such a 'beloved' and 'caring' big brother
yeah
screw you and your retarded face and brain
you'll be going to mum and whine bout what shit i wrote on my blog about you


Limp Bizkit - Hot Dog

this post is lovingly dedicated to

the fucked up brother of leefeng