Disclaimer:
Please do not tag or comment anything related to this post

i have to admit
leefeng, why are you such a loser in life?
why?why?why?

its been deep down inside me for too long already, too damn long
i just have to 'vomit' it all out, i need to whine about how a failure ive been

in whatever i do, try to do, or want to do
i just cant make it, cant achieve anything, cant even break even sometimes
why?
in studies, in basketball or any sport, in relationships, in character, in religon
everything....
so why? why must i be such a weakling?
cant i just do something well?
i can say that im an 'inward' person, i dont like to confide to people about personal stuffs and difficulties, only to an exceptional few

to her, im such a failure
im unable to make her feel happy, feel supported, feel loved
since the day we came together, she hasnt been able to be happy for lots of occasions
just by being with me, all the negative comments, criticism
to add on, whatever i do, all just makes it worse
and that decision
everything is shattered, okay ssh

to sports
i cant excel like i used to, in the first place im NOT even good...

to religon
why must i continue to disgrace my god in my life?
how long must i continue this backsliding? continue my self denial...
cant i just strengthen myself? cant i just stop whatever shit im doing?
god is always there for me, but i dont know why i cant feel it, i cant make it!

to character
im kinda introvert sometimes, and im also some kind of ass too
i dont really like to mix around, i dont know...
people that ive known for a long time, they know i love to crap and joke around
but for god's sake why do they not understand me? its clearly not acts of aggression or taunting
kp is it? yeah damn right

i know im the kind that requires constant encouragement, prompts, support from those around me... because its them that i can pull through many a time.
i also need that special someone that i can really rely on
as the saying goes, behind every successful man is a successful woman
i really need that support, the confinement, the company
i dont know why...

those few other than her that im close to, cass, michelle, maddy
cass has already passed on
michelle and maddy, when the fuck are you 2 gonna come back to singapore?
i miss you all very much

i just needed this whining alot, damn lot
i cant keep it inside me forever, it'll make me go nuts, crazy
at least ive my friends that keep me company sometimes, or else i'll be a loner no lifer at home rotting...
why is the human body so weak? why does it fall for temptations and weaknesses?
didnt the bible say that no temptation is too big for man to reject? so why cant I do it?
i dont really like to a certain extent what im doing now, what state ive been degraded to
i really wish to change back to what i was before

so far,
the only peaceful and enjoyable time ive had is to be at a quiet place with my close one(s)
and tell them everything in the world, listen to their stuff, just chill there together and have a bonding time.

but now,
no more, NOPE
people always say that what i say isnt carried out, or how a loser shit i am while trying to criticise others...
eh hello? do you know ive been trying to change myself alot? are you even me to notice the difference?
small changes are the norm, what you expect, i turn into a saint overnight?
just help me please, no matter what i do, thats what i really need the most
and help here means positive support, not negative comments

after all this shit, im feeling kinda better,
YEAH RIGHT

felicia lee ying yun is chatting with me on msn during all this time
and she asked me to write bout her
so... she is
my cousin, first to be exact
shes cute, fun to crap with and at, and some entertainment for me when im very bored
this is something from a typical conversation with her

leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
i advertise you leh
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
not too long you'll have suitors coming to find you
FELICIA- says:
pls la dont crazy
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
okay lah i dont write too extravagant
FELICIA- says:
i'm not any girl from vietnam
FELICIA- says:
wad write too extravagant
FELICIA- says:
not used lidat la
FELICIA- says:
i changed my mind
leefeng™ - HIIEE FELICIA LEE YING YUN! says:
lol i like to use words in the wrong way
FELICIA- says:
dont write a single bit abt me
FELICIA- says:
ooo.
FELICIA- says:
wierd ppl do wierd stuffs
FELICIA- says:
ok~
FELICIA- says:
pardon me, at night i dunno wad i'm talking.

okay thats it
to conclude this post

leefeng, its time to wake up
reality is harsh, face it
just be a loser

pls dont tag on or comment on this post

its just my whining, act of a loser

thanks